Flat Iron Burger is the Real Deal: a Concession By Hong Kong’s Nastiest Hater

As I mentioned in my guide breaking down the beefiest, most bodacious burgers in Hong Kong, when Flat Iron Burger came on the scene earlier this year, I wanted to dislike it. I was like Buc Nasty (R.I.P. Charlie Murphy) at The Playa Haters’ Ball in the G.O.A.T.’ed Chappelle’s Show, ‘The Nastiest Hater’ – one of the most diabolical haters this side of the Mississippi. 

I was essentially a Little League father with a dead-end job and a failing marriage, which caused me to become a fanatical supporter of Flat Iron’s predecessor ‘The Butchers Club’. So when I felt my favorite burger in Hong Kong dropped off in quality, it led to me inevitably taking things out on Bryan from accounting and yelling at volunteer teenage umpires who would miss the occasional ball or strike. If you didn’t catch the metaphor, The Butchers Club’s burger was my imaginary Little League son.

Consider this a letter of contrition. Scratch that. Consider this a letter of celebration. As I’ve done so in many facets and instances of life, I came too quick with…judgment. An ‘OPH’ (Original Playa Hater) would have been more cool, calm, and collected, only passing judgment after having tried the burger for himself. Having now frequented Flat Iron Burger five-plus times (with zero intention to stop), it has quickly risen in my power rankings as one of the best burgers in Hong Kong – a heifer harbor prioritizing premium beef and other ingredients, all at an affordable price.

Here’s everything I love about Flat Iron Burger on Elgin Street and why, if you’re in the running for the honor of 2024’s ‘Nastiest Hater’, you need to check yourself before your riggity-wreck yourself. 

Soho Bánh Mì Just Makes Life Better

As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, there’s rarely a time when I eat at a restaurant and feel so fervently compelled to immediately hit the laptop for some nonsensical gastronomic musings. But when that holy gustatorial spirit washes over me, it hits hard. Like a rattlesnake-handling Appalachian Protestant preacher before a congregation of 25 devout worshippers, all unsurprisingly related by blood – “OH LAWD, can I get an AMEN!?”. 

Well, Soho Bánh Mì has awakened that spirit, priming both Hozier and me to be taken to church – The Church of Bánh Mì and Summer Rolls. 

And the best part is there’s no subsequent manslaughter trial after Debbie from Middlesboro takes enough venom to the dome to euthanize a bull elephant, all with New Testament excerpts being belligerently shouted in the background. I digress. 

So, now that your mouth is watering (or you’re utterly confused about what this post is about), your palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy, here’s everything I loved (and love) about Soho Bánh Mì in Central and why this Vietnamese restaurant should definitely be on your radar.  

Dao Dao Noodles: Everything But the Kitchen Sink in a Single Bowl of Noodles

Big Body has been a bit of a sad boy lately. Caught somewhere in the dreg of the in-your-face requited love bug that appears to have bitten everyone and their cousin and the depravity of Joe Bananas and late-night McDoubles. It has led to a lot of time spent by myself. For better, or worse, I’m unsure.

However, in the pits of dejected Charlie Brown walks and exasperated sighs in front of the mirror while brushing my teeth, there was a shining light. I took a solo trip out to Hong Kong’s eighth-largest outlying island by size, Cheung Chau, to slow my roll, explore a Chinese pirate’s cave, and eat some mothaflippin’ delicious cart noodles. 

Here’s a little bit about Dao Dao Noodles and why I would argue it’s worth making the trip to Cheung Chau for on its own. 

Sonny’s Slice Shop: A Welcome Addition to Hong Kong’s Pizza Scene or Hot Garbage?

Fresh out of the oven from Singapore and newly minted at the corner of Hollywood Road and Elgin, Sonny’s Slice Shop is the new pizza kid on the block serving up crispy, authentic New York-style pizzas (with both familiar and local homages) by the slice or whole pie, beef hotdogs, and freshly churned soft serve milk ice cream. If that isn’t pure nostalgia and comfort food rolled all into one little shop then I don’t know what is.

Sonny’s caught my eye after stopping by the 7-11 next door and noticing that yet another new eatery had popped up on Elgin. This location carries special significance in my life, as after moving back to the city in 2020, I spent one of my first nights standing outside where Sonny’s is now (formerly Dough Bros and some other random shop) shotgunning beers well into the early morning – with proper mask etiquette being practiced, of course. Coincidentally, that same night, a furloughed Australian Cathay pilot challenged me to hand-to-hand combat after I didn’t laugh at one of his jokes, to which I declined.

Out of sheer curiosity and insatiable hunger, I decided to swing by this saucy slice shop to see if it had any staying power in Hong Kong’s faltering gastronomic landscape. 

I Think I Found the Best Burger in All of Hong Kong

If you know me in real life then you’ll hear me endlessly lament how I think that “the algorithm” has got me. Endless Instagram reels of Kazakh twins dancing to the same three songs, politically charged and semi-literate Facebook statuses by that one friend’s mom who uses social media as her diary, and more day-in-the-life videos of dropshipping YouTube entrepreneurs than my brain is capable of processing. Simply put, it has a strong grip on me and I’m not mentally or intellectually strong enough to dig myself out. 

However, there is one positive that has come from my Black Mirror-esque existence – one where I’m only a few years away from having hopium pedaling, snake oil, TikTok real estate guru seminars on a continuous loop in the brain chip implanted in me by Elon – an Instagram story highlighting the burgers at Belly Boys in Causeway Bay.

The Big Bodyssey: The Beefiest, Most Bodacious Burgers in Hong Kong

It’s burger season everyone. And do you know exactly when that is? Literally every day and month of the year. “I’ve always told people, you know I’m a very hungry guy. I’ve been to the best burger places in Hong Kong. I recently walked into a burger joint and said to myself ‘Wow, this is a delicious burger.’” Picture this being said in a Donny T accent with lots of nonsensical hand gestures, pauses, and inflection. The timing of this post felt long overdue, fortunately (or unfortunately) driven by the internal shame and guilt after realizing that I haven’t eaten as many burgers as I feel is required as my civic gourmandizing duty in this patriotic city. 

Part of that stems from a general disdain for overpriced dried-out hockey pucks that are all too commonly served throughout the city. Part of it is due to the fact that I’m a creature of habit and walk the same sad 1 km radius loop between work and home every single day (like most of you reading this), unable to extricate myself from this fatalistic rat race. And part of it is because I know if I go too heavy into the burger life I may have to be sent to the zoo with the rhinos, hippos, and that one Malaysian guy for future MRIs due to there being no medical technology capable of withstanding my inconceivably rotund frame.