cold udon at Kirinya Honmachihonten in Osaka

Kirinya Honmachihonten: the Inspiration Behind the Greatest Udon Noodle Commercial of All Time

Picture this. A family of five sitting around their dining room table after a long day of work and school. The oldest, texting. The father, stoic in demeanor, like Kevin Arnold’s father in The Wonder Years. The mother, probing her youngest about the school day. It’s dimly lit. A slight tapping of the piano can be heard as an incandescent bulb casts an ever-so-slight golden glow over five ceramic bowls of thick white noodles. A voice, smoother than Siri, begins… ‘I don…’ The pregnant pause ends. ‘You don’. A piano begins to crescendo, joined in triumph by a thundering timpani. ‘We don’, ‘Everybody don’. The climax cuts to dead silence as the screen fades to black. ‘Udon’.

That’s my million billion-dollar commercial that I am yet to direct for the entirety of udon (commissioned by the Japanese government) – not even on behalf of one specific brand, restaurant, style, or region. But on behalf of the existence of udon as a noodle. This is also what plays in my twisted brain every single time I sit down for a bowl of udon. 

So you can imagine the horror and utter confusion of customers and staff at every single udon joint I ate at in Japan as eyes closed, cuing in imaginary actors and musicians like a deranged maestro, I directed this preposterous commercial. My magnum opus, you ask? Performed at 11:30 AM on the most unexpected of days, a Friday at Kirinya Honmachihonten.

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Nishin Soba in Kyoto

Damn I Hate Being Soba: a Buckwheat Ballad in the Kansai Region

Damn I hate being sober soba, I’m a smoker, Fredo a drinker, Tadoe off molly water.” – Chicago Drill rapper Chief Keef 

I don’t actually hate soba. I love it. However, one of my biggest regrets during my time in Japan, other than waking up naked in the hallway of my hotel in Tokyo (I wish I was making that up), was that I didn’t eat more soba. A favorite YouTube channel of mine, ‘Japan Eat’, declared soba his favorite noodle dish of them all – and I feel as though I’ve let him down.

I’m not entirely sure why I was so soba-deficient during my three months in Osaka (and various other parts of Japan) but it’s something I need to improve on for my second stint (I’m aiming for 2024). The soba that I did eat was divine. I’m traditionally more of a cold noodle guy (love me my tsukemen), so soba noodles are right up my alley. I fully admit I dropped the ball on this one. Mea culpa. 

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Hiroshima tsukemen

Hiroshima-Style Tsukemen That Will Put Some Hair on Your Chest

If you’ve read my post (and failed screenplay – thanks a lot M. Night) on the iconic, bustling food-theme park ‘Okonomimura’ in Hiroshima, then you already know just how memorable a time I had in this city. 

From the most flavor-packed and savory oyakodon I’ve ever tasted (in the basement of a shopping mall) to sweet, battered, thick corn dogs at the Hiroshima Carp baseball stadium (the most raucous fans in all of Japanese baseball), to a thick, nutty and mince meat-topped dan dan noodles served while macabrely watching the Titanic, I did not have a single bad meal in my week-plus in the “City of Water.” 

Rounding out this eating and baseball-fueled trip of mine was a popular ramen staple, unique to this resilient and historical city, Hiroshima-style tsukemen – cold boiled noodles topped with shredded cabbage, cucumber, and green onions, served with a dry chili oil (and chili pepper) and vinegar dipping broth, garnished with sesame seeds. This can be one spicy papacito (depending on the level of heat you choose).

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&Island coffee Osaka

5 Laptop-Friendly Cafes & Workspaces in Osaka

In Japan, people typically go into a cafe or restaurant, accomplish what they came there to do, and then leave. Unlike other countries I’ve lived in, including the U.S., where political campaign telemarketers, Mary Kay salespeople, and Bluetooth guy (everyone knows Bluetooth guy) post up at cafes for hours on end (it’s accepted practice though), Japanese (for the most part) just aren’t simply sitting there nursing a single 99-cent iced coffee over 6 hours while furiously typing away at their groundbreaking (failed) avant-garde screenplays like the coffee shop “revolutionaries” of the West. 

This meant that during my time in Osaka, I only found a handful of cafes or workspaces where it was accepted (or felt like it was accepted) to post up with a laptop, book, or Elizabeth Warren-constituent email list to cold call. However, the cafes (and workspace) that I did find and work from were absolute gems and important refuges for me on days when I mentally needed to get out of my apartment (and hotel room) and wanted to be surrounded by others on the same page.

Here are five of my favorite laptop-friendly cafes and workspaces in Osaka.

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Ichiryu Manbai Kyoto tsukemen

3 Ramen Restaurants in Kyoto That Make My Heart Sing

I mentioned in a previous post that I had written Kyoto off relatively early in my travels – a mistake and miscalculation I fully acknowledge at present day. I was wrong about Kyoto. Please forgive me (me speaking to Kyoto the city). I think it was because I first arrived during the jam-packed Golden Week, in the midst of a rough work week, unable to find a stable workspace to post up, and deep in the throes of worry about falling out with my newly established routine (and life) in Osaka. 

But then I found you, Taiho Ramen (I sound like Joe from the Netflix series ‘You’). If you’ve already checked out my post on Taiho Ramen – Kiyamachi, then you know that this is my absolute favorite ramen I encountered in all of Japan (not just the Kansai region). However, there were two other ramen restaurants in Kyoto that caught my attention in my combined three-plus weeks here.

Here are three ramen spots in Kyoto (including Taiho) that made my heart sing and have me excited about my second stint in the Kansai region in 2024. 

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Hiroshima style okonomiyaki

M. Night Shyamalan’s ‘Okonomimura’: The Okonomiyaki Village

Picture this. You’ve grown ravenous, bordering on feral, from the previous night’s drinking festivities in Hiroshima. 13 Sapporo draft beerus is the limit, you’ve tested it thrice over, just to make sure. You stumble outside of your hotel right off Hondori Shopping Street to a pitch black night sky and take a deep breath (like Frank in the ending scene of Nicholas Winding Refn’s ‘Pusher’). You put your head down and veer down a back alley, only to be confronted by a gaggle of grotesque monsters in red robes. 

A robe slips off one of them. Only this time they aren’t the village elders attempting to create a bizarro-world 19th century enclave to protect you from the outside world. They are hulking, menacing, behemoth…grilled wheat flour pancakes stuffed silly with cabbage, yakisoba noodles, and seafood, topped with a fistful of green scallions, Japanese mayonnaise (for some), and descendent of Worcestershire sauce.

[The screen cuts to black]

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Ramen-shoyu Sodaisho bowl of shoyu ramen

21 Days of Ramen in Osaka: My Summer Love Story

I genuinely believe Osaka is the single greatest city on earth for eating. “Japan’s Kitchen” as it’s aptly named, even birthed one of my favorite phrases ever, ‘kuidaore’ – literally translating to “Eat until you go broke.” Based on this alone, you know you are in for a hell of a ride the second you step off your respective plane, train, or automobile, and into ANY pocket of the city. Osaka epitomizes this mantra to the nth degree. And, at the heart of it are its estimated 2500-plus ramen shops or roughly 10% of all ramen joints in Japan.

Here are 21 of my favorite ramens that I downed during my three months in Osaka (Arthur Miller would be proud).

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Taiho Ramen-Kiyamachi shoyu kurobuta ramen

Taiho Ramen-Kiyamachi: a Late-Night, Kurobuta Ramen Institution in Kyoto

If you’ve read my guide on 21 days of ramen in Osaka, then you already know that I’m the self-proclaimed Tyrone Biggums of ramen. Except, instead of white shiny rocks of ‘kryptonite’, my addiction is fatty, smoky char siu and shoyu (soy sauce) ramen broths. And I can’t get enough of it. 

I hate to admit it but I wasn’t particularly sold on Kyoto at first. I know. That’s crazy of me. I chalk it up to the fact that I first arrived right during the hectic and overpriced ‘Golden Week’, where families from across Japan flood the streets, shops, and restaurants, and every shrine or temple feels as if you were the 3,000th visitor of the day. I only really warmed up to Kyoto during my second stint there where I was finally able to ease into a comfortable, workable, predictable routine (this Big Body likes predictability). 

But there was one constant that remained through the thick and thin – from my first tumultuous moments getting muscled to the back of the line by a horde of Eastern European tourists at Family Mart to my solo treks up Fushimi Inari at night and serene runs along the Kamogawa River – ‘Taiho Ramen – Kiyamachi’ – a vibrant, late-night hole-in-the-wall ramen shop serving up a rich, thick shoyu-based broth that is packed to the brim with Kagoshima Berkshire char siu (pork). 

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four cheese gnocchi at Dream on Taiga in Osaka

Dream a Little, I’ll Dream on Taiga: Italian Cuisine With Japanese Precision

Dream on, dream on. I dream on. Dream a little, I’ll dream on Taiga… I had been forewarned (whatever the positive of forewarning is though) that Italian-Japanese fusion cuisine was an actual thing in Japan. And that it was all the rage. At first, I was afraid, I was petrified. I was skeptical. I didn’t believe it. 

However, after learning that Japanese-Italian cuisine, commonly referred to as ‘Itameshi’, had a cultural and recent-historical significance behind it, I warmed up to the idea and now I can’t live without it by my side. I’m not exactly sure why I was hesitant about Italian cuisine when I had learned very quickly during my three-month stint in Japan that they are/were renowned for absorbing the best parts of every other cuisine in the world and refining it/turning it into a science. 

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plain takoyaki at Takoyaki Umaiya

Takoyaki Umaiya: 60 Years of Minimalist Octopus Ball Bliss (Sans-Mayo)

I loathe mayonnaise. I’ve said it once, I’ll say it a thousand more times. Mayonnaise is my kryptonite. So you can imagine I was crippled with dejection and bouts of FOMO after landing in Osaka and realizing that most major Kansai-region specialties, namely takoyaki and okonomiyaki, are topped and/or coated in this globby, abominable mixture. 

However, my heart fluttered, my palms began to sweat, and I jumped up and down while shrieking with excitement like Buddy the Elf when he heard that mall-Santa was coming the next day when I learned of ‘Takoyaki Umaiya’ – the second oldest takoyaki shop in Japan (established in 1953), serving up grilled, golden brown octopus balls sans-mayo. 

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horse meat tartare with raw egg yolk on top

Doing the Neigh Neigh at a Horse Meat Restaurant in Osaka

As the dirty South rapper turned murderer ‘Silentó’ of the viral tune and dance craze once sang, “Now watch me whip, whip, watch me nae nae.” As I bounced down the streets of Osaka blaring this banger in my headphones while doing a bit of the stanky leg for good measure, I passed by a restaurant I thought was a popular duck and soba noodle spot. I popped my head into the restaurant, added my name to the registry for the night, and embarked on my daily constitutional (a 5km run around Osaka Castle).

After working up an appetite of one thousand American pygmy shrews (absolutely voracious eaters those little guys are), I returned to the restaurant and took my rightful spot at the bar – overlooking the kitchen. I must have been disoriented from my run and not capable of putting 2+2 together as I saw a Kanji character that I knew all too well. However, it didn’t register and I placed an order for their signature assorted sashimi platter. 

Upon arrival, there was something different about it. I couldn’t quite place it. The texture was something I had never seen before. It was such a pinkish hue that even inspector Jacques Clouseau would struggle to solve the mystery behind its coloring. I suddenly caught a laminated placard with a diagram of a horse out of the corner of my eye and I put it all together. “Now watch me whip, whip, watch me neigh neigh,” I whispered under my breath as readied my chopsticks and took my first bite.

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Yoshinoya Otemae outside storefront in Osaka

Gyudon Life: Why I’m a Yoshinoya Ride or Die For Life

I really can’t express just how happy Yoshinoya in Japan makes me but I’ll try.

Maybe it is because I have fond memories of patronizing this fast food gyudon (beef and rice bowl) chain my first Chinese New Year in Beijing when it was the only thing open (that and KFC). Maybe it is because it is there for me while working odd hours with clients in the U.S., leaving me a rather rushed eating window between 11 PM and 12 AM some nights. Maybe it is because they just make a high-quality, bang-for-your-buck, hearty meal that is delivered with enthusiastic service and care. 

I am a Yoshinoya ride or die. For life. My last three months living in Osaka, Japan have solidified this ten times over. I have eaten at Yoshinoya, at minimum, bi-weekly (sometimes tri-weekly) for the last three months. I know it well and it will always have a special place in my heart and belly.  

If you are a Sukiya or Matsuya (competing gyudon chains in Japan), consider this an open invitation for hand-to-hand combat. 

If you are unfamiliar with exactly what Yoshinoya is or what you can expect when walking through the doors here or are curious exactly what makes this fast food chain one of my most frequented (possibly most frequented) spots in all of Japan – read on!

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