Does Schnitzel & Schnaps Do Central European-Inspired Fare Justice?
I had low expectations for finding quality schnitzel in Hong Kong after several failed attempts over on Kowloon and was quickly losing hope that I would be able to recreate my most memorable and formative Vienna days in fried, frisbee-sized form. At one point, I even considered putting in an offer for a newborn calf at a farm out in the New Territories, purchasing a small plot of grassland on Robinson Road, and picking up a meat tenderizer from Japan Home Centre.
That was until I spotted the borderline-kitsch, Santa’s village of green and gold decor that one day was erected on the ever-bustling second road built in the colony of Hong Kong – Hollywood Road – where life begins and ends for most Mid-Levels 9-8’ers and self-anointed IFC elites.
Skeptical, I donned my finest lederhosen, perched atop the Conduit escalator delta, and sent out a rallying cry yodel for all to hear, eagerly awaiting my Hong Kong Julie Andrewses and David Hasselhoffs to bound towards me, clogs clip-clopping up the stainless steel steps with the might of one thousand Clydesdales, in a jovial hunger. Rosy-cheeked and out of breath, they would bashfully inquire, “Vat is it, Grandpapa?” “Over the river and through the woods, to Schnitzel & Schnaps we go,” I’d triumphantly proclaim, plucking at my suede leather suspenders while rubbing my belly and patting an adolescent von Trapp on the head.
However, that was just a dream and I instead decided to stop in on a Thursday night, sweaty and wearing my third-finest pair of Adidas athletic shorts, after a long day of merciless lashings by ungrateful, entitled clients. I was thankfully accompanied by one of my top herrs, who is about as German as Häagen-Dazs.
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