Schnitzel & Schnapps black and green store front

Does Schnitzel & Schnaps Do Central European-Inspired Fare Justice?

I had low expectations for finding quality schnitzel in Hong Kong after several failed attempts over on Kowloon and was quickly losing hope that I would be able to recreate my most memorable and formative Vienna days in fried, frisbee-sized form. At one point, I even considered putting in an offer for a newborn calf at a farm out in the New Territories, purchasing a small plot of grassland on Robinson Road, and picking up a meat tenderizer from Japan Home Centre.

That was until I spotted the borderline-kitsch, Santa’s village of green and gold decor that one day was erected on the ever-bustling second road built in the colony of Hong Kong –  Hollywood Road – where life begins and ends for most Mid-Levels 9-8’ers and self-anointed IFC elites. 

Skeptical, I donned my finest lederhosen, perched atop the Conduit escalator delta, and sent out a rallying cry yodel for all to hear, eagerly awaiting my Hong Kong Julie Andrewses and David Hasselhoffs to bound towards me, clogs clip-clopping up the stainless steel steps with the might of one thousand Clydesdales, in a jovial hunger. Rosy-cheeked and out of breath, they would bashfully inquire, “Vat is it, Grandpapa?” “Over the river and through the woods, to Schnitzel & Schnaps we go,” I’d triumphantly proclaim, plucking at my suede leather suspenders while rubbing my belly and patting an adolescent von Trapp on the head. 

However, that was just a dream and I instead decided to stop in on a Thursday night, sweaty and wearing my third-finest pair of Adidas athletic shorts, after a long day of merciless lashings by ungrateful, entitled clients. I was thankfully accompanied by one of my top herrs, who is about as German as Häagen-Dazs. 

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Ramen Taniseya iekei ramen

Ramen Taniseya: A Gargantuan Cauldron of Iekei Ramen in Shinbashi, Tokyo

There aren’t many ramen joints in Japan that made me feel as if I was a true Japanese salaryman 9-5’er more than Ramen Taniseya in Shinbashi, Tokyo. The biggest difference between me and them at the time was that I was dead sober while most patrons were 10 Chuhis/draft Suntory Premiums deep. It was also the first night I met an ex-partner of mine for what was meant to be 10 days of rekindling requited love. 

Come to find out in less than 48 hours that the requited love we both hoped for was deeply offset by annoyance, resentment, and incompatibility to the nth degree (I’m still glad we gave it a go). We parted ways shortly after. However, I would not have consumed one of the best bowls of tonkotsu-based ramen (Iekei-style) during my self-imposed exile to Japan if it weren’t for taking the Friday morning Shinkansen from Osaka to Tokyo to meet her. 

Here’s why Ramen Taniseya’s gargantuan cauldron of Iekei ramen is a late-night ramen haunt that I will be sure to return to next time in Tokyo.

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Pan fried gyoza at Jessie Wine & Gyoza in Osaka

Running the Gyoza Gauntlet in Osaka at 3 of My Favorite Dumpling Restaurants

Dumplings are a top three food for me…ever. I think it all stems from one Chinese New Year back in Beijing where I was invited over to a local buddy’s home to celebrate with just him and his mother. His mother apparently “took it light on us” and only prepared 150 dumplings – this isn’t hyperbole. Over the course of ten hours, we drank (Maotai for days), karaoked, and most importantly, devoured these little pillows of heaven. By the end, there wasn’t a single dumpling in sight. 

However, devouring 150, thick Chinese dumplings in one sitting will take a toll on your waistline and I swore to myself from that day forward, that if I ate 150 dumplings again, they would need to be lighter. So you can imagine how close I was to breaking down in hysterics like a 1940s couple at a train station after the husband returns from war after my first official gyoza in Japan (I had eaten gyozas thousands of times outside of Japan but it hits differently when in the gyoza motherland). 

I knew my dream to eat 150 dumplings once again was no longer a dream – it was a reality at the tips of my fingers (chopsticks?). Leading this gyoza gastronomic revolution were three gyoza-specific restaurants in Osaka.

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cold udon at Kirinya Honmachihonten in Osaka

Kirinya Honmachihonten: the Inspiration Behind the Greatest Udon Noodle Commercial of All Time

Picture this. A family of five sitting around their dining room table after a long day of work and school. The oldest, texting. The father, stoic in demeanor, like Kevin Arnold’s father in The Wonder Years. The mother, probing her youngest about the school day. It’s dimly lit. A slight tapping of the piano can be heard as an incandescent bulb casts an ever-so-slight golden glow over five ceramic bowls of thick white noodles. A voice, smoother than Siri, begins… ‘I don…’ The pregnant pause ends. ‘You don’. A piano begins to crescendo, joined in triumph by a thundering timpani. ‘We don’, ‘Everybody don’. The climax cuts to dead silence as the screen fades to black. ‘Udon’.

That’s my million billion-dollar commercial that I am yet to direct for the entirety of udon (commissioned by the Japanese government) – not even on behalf of one specific brand, restaurant, style, or region. But on behalf of the existence of udon as a noodle. This is also what plays in my twisted brain every single time I sit down for a bowl of udon. 

So you can imagine the horror and utter confusion of customers and staff at every single udon joint I ate at in Japan as eyes closed, cuing in imaginary actors and musicians like a deranged maestro, I directed this preposterous commercial. My magnum opus, you ask? Performed at 11:30 AM on the most unexpected of days, a Friday at Kirinya Honmachihonten.

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Nishin Soba in Kyoto

Damn I Hate Being Soba: a Buckwheat Ballad in the Kansai Region

Damn I hate being sober soba, I’m a smoker, Fredo a drinker, Tadoe off molly water.” – Chicago Drill rapper Chief Keef 

I don’t actually hate soba. I love it. However, one of my biggest regrets during my time in Japan, other than waking up naked in the hallway of my hotel in Tokyo (I wish I was making that up), was that I didn’t eat more soba. A favorite YouTube channel of mine, ‘Japan Eat’, declared soba his favorite noodle dish of them all – and I feel as though I’ve let him down.

I’m not entirely sure why I was so soba-deficient during my three months in Osaka (and various other parts of Japan) but it’s something I need to improve on for my second stint (I’m aiming for 2024). The soba that I did eat was divine. I’m traditionally more of a cold noodle guy (love me my tsukemen), so soba noodles are right up my alley. I fully admit I dropped the ball on this one. Mea culpa. 

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Hiroshima tsukemen

Hiroshima-Style Tsukemen That Will Put Some Hair on Your Chest

If you’ve read my post (and failed screenplay – thanks a lot M. Night) on the iconic, bustling food-theme park ‘Okonomimura’ in Hiroshima, then you already know just how memorable a time I had in this city. 

From the most flavor-packed and savory oyakodon I’ve ever tasted (in the basement of a shopping mall) to sweet, battered, thick corn dogs at the Hiroshima Carp baseball stadium (the most raucous fans in all of Japanese baseball), to a thick, nutty and mince meat-topped dan dan noodles served while macabrely watching the Titanic, I did not have a single bad meal in my week-plus in the “City of Water.” 

Rounding out this eating and baseball-fueled trip of mine was a popular ramen staple, unique to this resilient and historical city, Hiroshima-style tsukemen – cold boiled noodles topped with shredded cabbage, cucumber, and green onions, served with a dry chili oil (and chili pepper) and vinegar dipping broth, garnished with sesame seeds. This can be one spicy papacito (depending on the level of heat you choose).

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Ichiryu Manbai Kyoto tsukemen

3 Ramen Restaurants in Kyoto That Make My Heart Sing

I mentioned in a previous post that I had written Kyoto off relatively early in my travels – a mistake and miscalculation I fully acknowledge at present day. I was wrong about Kyoto. Please forgive me (me speaking to Kyoto the city). I think it was because I first arrived during the jam-packed Golden Week, in the midst of a rough work week, unable to find a stable workspace to post up, and deep in the throes of worry about falling out with my newly established routine (and life) in Osaka. 

But then I found you, Taiho Ramen (I sound like Joe from the Netflix series ‘You’). If you’ve already checked out my post on Taiho Ramen – Kiyamachi, then you know that this is my absolute favorite ramen I encountered in all of Japan (not just the Kansai region). However, there were two other ramen restaurants in Kyoto that caught my attention in my combined three-plus weeks here.

Here are three ramen spots in Kyoto (including Taiho) that made my heart sing and have me excited about my second stint in the Kansai region in 2024. 

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Hiroshima style okonomiyaki

M. Night Shyamalan’s ‘Okonomimura’: The Okonomiyaki Village

Picture this. You’ve grown ravenous, bordering on feral, from the previous night’s drinking festivities in Hiroshima. 13 Sapporo draft beerus is the limit, you’ve tested it thrice over, just to make sure. You stumble outside of your hotel right off Hondori Shopping Street to a pitch black night sky and take a deep breath (like Frank in the ending scene of Nicholas Winding Refn’s ‘Pusher’). You put your head down and veer down a back alley, only to be confronted by a gaggle of grotesque monsters in red robes. 

A robe slips off one of them. Only this time they aren’t the village elders attempting to create a bizarro-world 19th century enclave to protect you from the outside world. They are hulking, menacing, behemoth…grilled wheat flour pancakes stuffed silly with cabbage, yakisoba noodles, and seafood, topped with a fistful of green scallions, Japanese mayonnaise (for some), and descendent of Worcestershire sauce.

[The screen cuts to black]

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Maru De Sankaku madai and shellfish ramen noodles and yuzu paste

6 Ramen Spots in Central, Hong Kong to Get Your Noodle Fix

I’m not sure I would have ever written this piece if I hadn’t spent the last three months in Osaka, Japan. Ramen became a regular staple in my diet. Over three months in Japan, I ate at approximately 30 ramen restaurants (and countless more noodle shops – e.g. Soba and udon) and wrote a guide on 21 of my favorite ramen spots in Osaka. Even though I’ve lived in Hong Kong for a combined six-plus years, I had never paid much attention to ramen here. 

But like a newborn lamb with a fresh set of eyes and palate, I’m here and free of noodle sin, ready to become a Hong Kong ramen martyr so that you can get your fix. 

During my three-month stint in Osaka, something clicked genetically and gastronomically, to where I’m now at a point where I need a bowl of ramen at least twice per week. And, in a beleaguered city where some lunch and dinner prices can have you wondering exactly where your money went, ramen is an affordable, convenient, and filling option that should not be slept on.

In no particular order, here are six ramen spots you can’t miss in Central, Hong Kong. All have various branches spread out across Hong Kong but for the manageability of this article, I’ve only provided their Central location addresses. 

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Ramen-shoyu Sodaisho bowl of shoyu ramen

21 Days of Ramen in Osaka: My Summer Love Story

I genuinely believe Osaka is the single greatest city on earth for eating. “Japan’s Kitchen” as it’s aptly named, even birthed one of my favorite phrases ever, ‘kuidaore’ – literally translating to “Eat until you go broke.” Based on this alone, you know you are in for a hell of a ride the second you step off your respective plane, train, or automobile, and into ANY pocket of the city. Osaka epitomizes this mantra to the nth degree. And, at the heart of it are its estimated 2500-plus ramen shops or roughly 10% of all ramen joints in Japan.

Here are 21 of my favorite ramens that I downed during my three months in Osaka (Arthur Miller would be proud).

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Taiho Ramen-Kiyamachi shoyu kurobuta ramen

Taiho Ramen-Kiyamachi: a Late-Night, Kurobuta Ramen Institution in Kyoto

If you’ve read my guide on 21 days of ramen in Osaka, then you already know that I’m the self-proclaimed Tyrone Biggums of ramen. Except, instead of white shiny rocks of ‘kryptonite’, my addiction is fatty, smoky char siu and shoyu (soy sauce) ramen broths. And I can’t get enough of it. 

I hate to admit it but I wasn’t particularly sold on Kyoto at first. I know. That’s crazy of me. I chalk it up to the fact that I first arrived right during the hectic and overpriced ‘Golden Week’, where families from across Japan flood the streets, shops, and restaurants, and every shrine or temple feels as if you were the 3,000th visitor of the day. I only really warmed up to Kyoto during my second stint there where I was finally able to ease into a comfortable, workable, predictable routine (this Big Body likes predictability). 

But there was one constant that remained through the thick and thin – from my first tumultuous moments getting muscled to the back of the line by a horde of Eastern European tourists at Family Mart to my solo treks up Fushimi Inari at night and serene runs along the Kamogawa River – ‘Taiho Ramen – Kiyamachi’ – a vibrant, late-night hole-in-the-wall ramen shop serving up a rich, thick shoyu-based broth that is packed to the brim with Kagoshima Berkshire char siu (pork). 

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four cheese gnocchi at Dream on Taiga in Osaka

Dream a Little, I’ll Dream on Taiga: Italian Cuisine With Japanese Precision

Dream on, dream on. I dream on. Dream a little, I’ll dream on Taiga… I had been forewarned (whatever the positive of forewarning is though) that Italian-Japanese fusion cuisine was an actual thing in Japan. And that it was all the rage. At first, I was afraid, I was petrified. I was skeptical. I didn’t believe it. 

However, after learning that Japanese-Italian cuisine, commonly referred to as ‘Itameshi’, had a cultural and recent-historical significance behind it, I warmed up to the idea and now I can’t live without it by my side. I’m not exactly sure why I was hesitant about Italian cuisine when I had learned very quickly during my three-month stint in Japan that they are/were renowned for absorbing the best parts of every other cuisine in the world and refining it/turning it into a science. 

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