5 Things I Wish I Knew Before Moving to Hong Kong

“I wish that I knew what I know now…” Hong Kong is my home. My best friends are here. My company is here. My family is here (my ‘Fahza’). It’s where I feel most at peace, most productive, and most secure. But it has taken quite a long time to even feel marginally like I have my sh!t together here. And I use that phrase loosely.  

Moving back at the height of quarantine and lockdowns in 2020 (after 6 years away) wasn’t all peaches and cream for Allen Iverson and me. Coming back as a newly minted 30-year-old came with its own challenges, delusions, and realizations.

Here are 5 things I wish I knew before moving back to Hong Kong in my 30s with some favorite pictures of mine from these last 4 years sprinkled throughout. Granted, it was extremely formative coming to these realizations and having these reflections the hard way and I wouldn’t trade anything for it. 

I think there’s something to be said about sometimes needing to touch the stove just to know for yourself that the burner is actually on, so I don’t wish I had known ‘them’ before moving to Hong Kong. I’m glad I touched the burner and my palm ended up like Harry’s from Home Alone after Kevin McCallister heated the doorknob to an estimated 700 degrees Fahrenheit – but I’m also thankful I didn’t take a blowtorch to my already disastrous hairline.  

Now, these are my confessions (reflections) – cue Usher’s soothing, sensual voice to take you into things.

You’ll Need Your Own Happy Place

Nan Lian Garden is definitely one of this Big Body’s happy places.

This is one hectic city. It doesn’t stop. At points, I have deja vu to my days living in Shanghai where I would wake up in a cold sweat, chest pounding, with an unshakable uneasiness hovering over me (or was it just the pollution?). 

I attribute most of this to the fact that I knew I’d be stepping out onto the streets of a city of 25 million strong shortly thereafter, knowing that my personal space was about to be violated in more ways than I could imagine.

What made Shanghai unsustainable for me was not that I was constantly surrounded by hoards of people, it’s that I never carved out my own happy place, like the place Adam Sandler mentally goes to in Happy Gilmore anytime he needs to sink a put – complete with his love interest and pro golf PR director Veronica Venit in lingerie and holding pitchers of light beer, a little person in cowboy attire riding a tricycle, and Carl Weathers (Chubbs) playing the piano with both hands. 

Instead, every day I’d step out onto the street and be confronted by Shooter McGavin in all black garb, french kissing my future wife and my sweet, old, and fragile grandmother – except it came in the form of being pressed up against the glass of car 7 on the green line of the Shanghai Metro with millions of other commuters.

In Hong Kong, when the noise, stress, and banalities of everyday life have me at my wit’s end, I seek out one of several happy places. They are simple, easily accessible, and relatively low traffic – just somewhere to step outside of routine and recalibrate. 

While I keep my ‘sacred spots’ within arm’s reach, I know some who choose to seek refuge out in Sai Kung and spend weekends camping by themselves or with their partners. It doesn’t matter where, as long as it provides a calm and distinct contrast from the environment you exist in all 6 other days of the week. 

A Sustainable Hong Kong Means Creating a Sustainable Second “Home”

I had one of the best days with the dawgz hiking the Frankenstein Cliff Trail before I moved back to Hong Kong.

This is more of those ‘Do as I say, not as I do’ type of things, as I’ve done a very poor job since I moved back to Hong Kong. And that is carving out a second sustainable ‘home.” Maybe “existence” is the more appropriate word.

While somewhat in line with the above point, on top of changing scenery in Hong Kong and posting up in your happy place – you just have to get out of Hong Kong now and then. I know too many people, including myself, who have come to resent this city (or parts of it), and people in it because they failed to extract themselves and take a step back in a completely different environment. 

While Hong Kong is home and I love it, it’s not without its faults, all of which are amplified when you fail to take the necessary steps to temporarily remove yourself. But you know what? Everywhere and everyone has their faults.

I’ve come to romanticize my home state of New Hampshire and the relationships I have (had?) because I haven’t been back in so long (4 years). There’s a part of me that is incredibly important and has, unfortunately, withered over the years, and that’s being a kid from New Hampshire. 

That entails being a son and having a relationship with my mother that extends beyond phone calls (someone I consider to be one of my best friends), being a brother and seeing him grow and thrive, and even taking a drive down 101 to pick up late-night Wendy’s or remembering what it’s like to pump gas in sub-zero temperatures. All have played an incredibly formative role in who I am today and what I value. 

A snap from one of my favorite walking routes I do with my mother.

I haven’t put my money where my mouth is and made a real effort towards continuing to develop this side of me, that is, just by the reality of being 8,000 miles away, unable to exist and/or grow in Hong Kong. Until I do that, Hong Kong will never be fully sustainable for me. 

Deep down, I know once I get back and enter into a routine there, encounter that inevitably snarky Cumberland Farms cashier, and am relentlessly tailgated on I-95, frustrations will surface. But that’s also needed to gain further perspective on who and what I love about Hong Kong (including my routine here). 

Simply put, there is undoubtedly a second place in the world (it might just happen to be your hometown) that’s home to certain things, including relationships, that you might not be able to find or cultivate in Hong Kong. 

I reckon your existence in Hong Kong will be a lot healthier and more sustainable if you make an effort to nurture that side of yourself and the relationships that mean something to you. 

I know mine will. 

Finally, Hong Kong might not be forever for you, so neglecting such might just leave you with nothing or no one to go home to when your time here comes to an end. 

Self-Preservation is Key: Knowing When to Say “No”

Immediate gratification and FOMO are a bad combination. And, like most big cities, they come hand in hand in Hong Kong and are never that far off from ‘truck sticking’ you like Buc’s defensive tackle Warren Sapp in a Madden ‘98. 

It’s ok to say “No.” 

In fact, in Hong Kong, you’re going to have to learn to say it more than you’ve ever imagined. It’s just a happenin’ place and there’s always something going on. Saying “No” isn’t because you’re not a fun person. It’s because always saying “Yes” is unsustainable for your (a) mental, (b) physical, and (c) financial self. I’m sure there’s a handful of other parts as well, like your spiritual self.  

It might be difficult to look your top dawg in the eyes and tell him that “Tonight just ain’t the night, buddy, guy,” it gets easier – especially when you know that, much like wherever you’re from, the same sh!t will always be there and be happening. The sun will rise, the roosters will crow, and a drunk British Merril Lynch compliance associate will projectile vomit everywhere at Bar. 42 at 5 AM, rinse and repeat. 

A view from Buffalo Hill that I’m glad I didn’t lose to a previous night of debauchery.

Do you know how many nights I’ve taken the Mid-Levels escalators looking at all of SoHo’s finest, drinking and laughing, feeling somewhat dejected and wanting to go out but knowing for the sake of preserving self or because I had plans the next day I should have an easy one at home? 

Do you also know how many nights I’ve been out with a crew, drinking and laughing on the SoHo steps and it’s turned into a night far bigger than it should have and I ruined my plans for the next day? 

Roughly an equal number.   

Establishing boundaries and learning to say “No,” even when you don’t want to, is a key to being fully present when you do say “Yes.” Pick your battles and try to step back and assess what it is that you really want to do or who you want to do. Frivolous hangs or outings just for the sake of doing something can ultimately detract from what matters most. 

You’ll thank yourself for not popping out for a quick beer or six when you get to the peak of Buffalo Hill the next day without a pounding headache or are mentally and fully present with one of your best friends at an early morning brunch. 

Pale Ale Travel Note: This is 100% not me saying that you shouldn’t take risks or say “Yes” to new opportunities or certain things, more that if you’re not that sold on it and need to take a breather, that’s completely alright – there will be another opportunity right around the corner. Don’t shoot yourself in the foot by saying “Yes” to things that you know ultimately erode your mental, financial, or physical self. But then again, that’s easier said than done for some (like myself).  

Your Best Friends Will Probably Leave

I meet a buddy, who I’ve gotten to know quite well in the past few years over at Ink (pictured above) every few weeks for a beer and catch-up.

When I first moved to Hong Kong, I was a student. That’s one of those times in your life when there’s always someone to hang out with, everyone’s your friend, and it isn’t as hard to meet people. 

So, I was in for a bit of a shock when I moved back to Hong Kong and found that the group of fifteen to twenty that I could once reliably call on for a drink, hike, drink and hike, or something in between had dwindled to a core four. And then it dwindled to just two.

Hong Kong has always existed as a somewhat transient city for expats. Get in, make your money, let the good times roll, get out, and start your life back home. That was expedited during COVID-19 and was the breaking point for a lot of people (and businesses) – including one of my best friends who had lived in Hong Kong for over 20 years. 

I didn’t realize just how many people took this as their cue to leave or set things in motion for a departure in the years to follow. 

This one might seem like the ‘downer’ of the list but it’s more of a proactive call to action. I took a bit too much of a ‘why bother’ approach when it came to meeting new people after a sizable chunk of my good friends left (post-2020). I thought that was just it. 

One of my top dawgz and I would hike The Peak + High West almost every Friday for several years, stopping for Burger King on the way down. He left in 2023.

I spent about a year and a half mourning the departure of friends (even some who had left a decade prior) and was quite adamant against meeting new people. This ultimately manifested itself as one of the loneliest points of my 34 years on this planet, so much so that I spent six months out of Hong Kong, three of those months strangely in what some consider to be the world’s loneliest country – Japan. 

When I returned, I still carried a hint of that cynicism towards meeting some new dawgz but made a more conscious effort to put myself out there. 

What has felt different this time around is that I am remaining a bit more conscious of who intends to stay in the city for a considerable period (like myself) and who doesn’t. That doesn’t mean friendship with such people is completely off the table, or I blame them in any way, rather, I’m prioritizing those who I feel we can reasonably “grow together” and pick up momentum with. 

So, while your best friends may inevitably leave, don’t let it stop you from meeting those who may also have a profound impact on your life and be an integral ride-or-die in the future. 

Pale Ale Travel Tip: I touched on this in my pros and cons of living in Hong Kong article but it’s just a reality. Hong Kong is a transient city that has undergone considerable changes over the years, a handful of them being the breaking point for people. I don’t know if it gets better or worse moving forward but either way – people will leave. 

You Can Do It

If you aren’t reading “You can do it!” in Rob Schneider’s voice from almost every Adam Sandler movie he’s in then I don’t know what you’re doing. Maybe this is naive and following regurgitated platitudinous rhetoric but you can do it. 

The alternative is writing yourself off and taking yourself out of the equation before things even begin. I was oddly cynical my first two years back in Hong Kong, which was strange as overall, I really enjoyed myself and was proud to return on my own terms. 

But I found myself starting the day with a defeatist attitude far more often than I’d like to, only to pivot by the end of it realizing nothing I had mentally deemed insurmountable during my morning poo was actually so – except dating one of those French bottleservice girls at Maggie Choo’s. But I’m alright conceding that one in my lifetime. 

Inevitably, there are going to be a lot of variables and wildcards that are thrown at you, some standing to knock you firmly off your feet – don’t start the day out already on uneven footing. Even something as simple as shooting a finger gun and winking yourself in the mirror to start the morning can go a long way towards stabilizing a ship that’s bound for stormy waters.

And on those days where you understandably just feel like there’s that Charlie Brown raincloud hanging over your head, know that you have a lot more in the tank than you think. For many (including Big Body), Hong Kong is the first time they are put to the test when it comes to needing to tap into mental and emotional reserves. 

via GIPHY

You are resilient. People are resilient. If anything, focus that energy on getting to the end of the hour or day. And if there is truly nothing left in the tank, consider extracting yourself from your environment or Hong Kong for a bit (see above). 

Finally, understand that ‘You can do it’ doesn’t simply mean that you ‘have to do it’ alone. Because the city can be so volatile, there are a lot more people in this city than you may think battling their own demons (just like anywhere in the world) and who are willing to talk and listen. 

I spent far too many years self-isolating, afraid of putting too much on someone else or being a burden. That was a mistake. The people who truly care about you will understand. Those who don’t, yeah it will hurt, but I have a feeling that there will be a few who surprise you with how much they do care and have your back.   

And if you’re still struggling, don’t hesitate to reach out to Uncle Big Body (info@palealetravel.com). I’ve been through every emotion under the sun in this city and while I don’t have the answers, I can share a coffee or beer and listen. 

Bonus: Don’t Order HKD$30 Long Island Iced Teas

This might be the most important on the list (I kid, I kid). But seriously, don’t order HKD$30 Long Island iced teas, it’s a recipe for disaster. 

Out for a night with my baseball dawgz in 2013, one of the founders handed me an HK$500 note at (still) one of my favorite bars that translates to ‘The Garden’ (Le Jardin) and told me to get drinks for the table. He figured I would cover the remaining part of the tab but as a poor post-grad student, I knew I had to stretch that HK$500 as far as possible. 

By the grace of Beezelbub, I was able to order a full round of drinks for the table. The catch? They were all horribly concocted, deathly potent Long Island iced teas, made with the cheapest, Southeast Asian rum, Siberian gulag vodka, and MS-13 bootleg tequila available. 

From there, it was lights out. I fared better than some, worse than others – specifically one of my best friends and founders of the team woke up in an alley outside of his apartment complex, horrified as his 6-year-old son on his way to rugby practice inquisitively asked his mother “Why does Daddy sleep on the street?”

If a booze deal seems too good to be true in Hong Kong, it emphatically is. Proceed with caution or be prepared to explain to your son’s 3rd grade class why he tells everyone you live behind the dumpster outback of your apartment. 

“I Guess This is Growing Up” – Blink 182

Sometimes, it’s tough not to look up at the night sky in Hong Kong and feel like Frank at the end of Nicolas Winding Refn’s ‘Pusher’.

I’m still currently digging myself out of a few things but feel as if my internal constitution has solidified to a point where I’m not existing in a state of perpetual masochism or self-loathing. Accepting the natural order and focusing on that which is in my control, rather than what I’m failing to do, has made all the difference. 

As my main man, Marcus Aurelius said in Meditations, ‘A man then must stand erect, not be kept erect by others.’

It’s funny, you are always told that your most formative years are when you are a teenager or during college but at 34 I’m still learning a lot about myself and what (and who) I value most – the last 4 years have been some of the most profound, vulnerable, and tumultuous but marked by the greatest personal growth and reflection in my short existence.

The beauty is… I’m still trying and have a long way to go. And it’s never-ending.

I hope I can keep adding to this list or putting out a yearly version with future reflections. As you can tell, this post isn’t really about Hong Kong. You could insert any city, town, state, or Danish commune in this post and get the same result. It’s about learning to carve out a more sustainable and healthier (mentally and physically) version of yourself and accepting that there will be bumps along the way – but it will be okay. 

If you enjoyed this post and would like to see more of them, please let me know! And if you have any questions about moving to Hong Kong, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me at info@palealetravel.com. 

Be well everyone,

Big Body