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A Man-Date at One of My Favorite Izakayas in Hong Kong: Uoharu

January 4, 2024January 4, 2024Asia, Food, Hong Kong BigBody Leave a Comment

The first time I went to Uoharu was on a date where mid-way through, after watching her nod off face-first into her grilled mackerel and sake, I learned that she was on Clydesdale-sized doses of lithium. Somehow, after assurances it was just a fluke, the date continued. I spent the remainder of the night eating Scotch eggs at Stockton – while she subsequently nodded off again in the leather booth adjacent – and slugging fresh-off-the-tap cocktails from Draft Land – while she nodded off one more time on the stool next to me.

After the dust settled, I let her know that I had a nice time but I didn’t think we were compatible, to which she sent me a relatively accurate description of myself and one that makes me chuckle to this day. “You are a big sweaty piece of man meat.” I left out the accompanying expletives. This insult is only second to when a rotund Indian man with a handlebar mustache in Bangkok barked out at me, “Where do you think you’re going Daddy Longlegs?” after I hurried past him on Sukhumvit 11.

I digress. Uoharu’s seafood and robatayaki izakaya fare was the driving reason for my initial perseverance and self-convincing in the bathroom that “These things happen” and “I’m sure that she just had a long day.” I ~~needed~~ craved Uoharu redemption and returned countless times over the subsequent years, with it solidifying itself as one of my all-time favorite izakayas in Hong Kong.

Is the Diplomat the Best Burger in Hong Kong?

December 24, 2023March 26, 2024Asia, Food, Hong Kong BigBody Leave a Comment

There was one name that kept popping up over and over when I kept searching online for the best burger in Hong Kong – and it wasn’t from a traditional burger and fry joint like Five Guys or Burger Circus. There was something hypnotizing about it and the name burrowed deep into my brain, like that squid-like creature baby in Holly’s stomach in the movie Prometheus after she made love with the dude who was infected by the “black goo.”

I suffered many late nights trying to piece together if it could be true, like a 33-year-old chubby, balding male Carrie Matheson from Homeland with three yards of string, several packs of Post-it notes, and a whiteboard. I was Ace Ventura in the shower trying to figure out who police lieutenant Einhorn really was after sharing a passionate makeout right before the eureka moment when he realized she was disgraced Miami Dolphins place kicker ‘Ray Finkle’ post-sex change. “Finkle is Einhorn, Einhorn is Finkle.” In the deep throes of befuddlement, I muttered to myself “Burgers at speakeasies, speakeasies and burgers?”

My burger world was thrown upside down. I knew that I was going to have to test this for myself to make sure that this wasn’t some Truman Show-esque experiment orchestrated by Ed Harris to provide 24/7 entertainment to home viewers at my expense. So, post-Tuesday night workout, I grabbed my finest Pure tote bag and a raggedy old black sweatshirt that I cleaned BBQ sauce stains off of earlier in the day and headed to The Diplomat in H Code.

It was time to settle this literal and metaphorical burger beef once and for all.

Croque Hong Kong: Ain’t No Such Things as Halfway Croques

December 15, 2023December 15, 2023Asia, Food, Hong Kong BigBody Leave a Comment

As the boys from Queensbrisdge, Mobb Deep, so timelessly rapped, “Son, they shook, ‘Cause ain’t no such things as halfway ~~crooks~~ croques.” And boy, am I shook. Because I just found out that every croque monsieur I’ve ever eaten in my life has been a “halfway croque.” Granted, I’ve only been to France as an enfant terrible, naively and boorishly satiated by chicken nuggets, artificial (mutant) macaroni and cheese, and Capri suns.

But today, I became a man. No. Scratch that. Today, I became a Monsieur. Complete with a black three-piece suit, bushy mustache, and monocle like the Monopoly Man. That’s all thanks to a newcomer to the SoHo restaurant scene, Croque, a new age, vibrant, cheesy oasis of unique (and classic) takes on a French classic – the croque monsieur.

Does An Choi in Sheung Wan Pass the Authentic Vietnamese Taste Test?

November 26, 2023November 27, 2023Asia, Food, Hong Kong BigBody Leave a Comment

Tucked away on Mercer Street, a succinct unassuming feeder thoroughfare to Bonham Strand and a stone’s throw away from the Murderer’s Row of Hong Kong lunch specials (Jervois Street), An Choi is “the answer” to Hong Kong’s desperate plea for high-quality, authentic Vietnamese fare that not only ensures you don’t go home hungry but are transported back to a cragged, bustling, back alley Saigonese noodle, banh mi, and spring roll haunt in the process.

Like George Washington, I cannot tell a lie. I was skeptical at first. Having spent over one year living in Ho Chi Minh City, I was accustomed to authentic Vietnamese cuisine at an affordable price, served with several sides of chaos, character, and chili (pepper), and I was convinced it was impossible to replicate in this beleaguered, prohibitively expensive, and gastronomically stagnant city (in my humble, uneducated opinion).

I’m happy I was proved wrong.

Slice-Testing the Roman Pizza Hype at Hong Kong’s Alice Pizza

November 6, 2023November 6, 2023Asia, Food, Hong Kong BigBody Leave a Comment

Located in the heart of Wan Chai (but the part less rife with sin and hedonism) and pronounced ‘Ah-lee-cheh’ (not ‘Al’is’), Alice Pizza is the answer to Hong Kong’s (surprising) Roman-style ‘in teglia’ pizza void. Somehow finding myself with more Italian friends than I ever realized I’d acquire in this lifetime, and sitting next to a certified Roman in my office, the buzz surrounding Alice Pizza is something I’ve hungrily watched them signal to one another via a variety of exuberant hand gestures for the last several months.

I knew it was time I tried it so I could hit them with a double finger purse and “Mamma mia!’ to prove my relevance – as my daily ‘Buongiorno’s’ were slowly losing their linguistic luster. So I took to the viae and strata (“took to the streets”) to taste-test Alice for myself and see if this pan-baked, rectangular, thin-slice pizza pie hype was justified. I veni’ed, I vidi’ed, and I pizzi’ed, all in the name of finding my Calpurnia of the pizza world.

Here’s what I found.

A Tempestuous, Tonkotsu Tryst at Ramen Bari-Uma in Central

November 2, 2023November 10, 2023Asia, Food, Hong Kong BigBody Leave a Comment

After three months back in Hong Kong (post-Japan stint), to say that I’ve been on a ramen kick is an understatement. I’ve touched on this in several other posts but other than ramen, I find most Japanese cuisine in Hong Kong to be exorbitantly priced. This Big Body wants consistent, high-quality, affordable Japanese fare (and nama beerus) that brings me back to my days falling off izakaya bar stools and waking up naked in the hallway of my Tokyo hotel (I wish I was joking).

Well, I found it and am thankful to Ramen Bari-Uma for delivering that shameful, delicious nostalgia in a piping hot bowl of tonkotsu-based ramen loaded with fat slabs of char siu. I like big cuts of char siu and I cannot lie.

By now, I’ve almost eaten through the entire menu at this bustling Lan Kwai Fong ramen haunt. Initially, I was in it for Bari-Uma’s spicy, rich tonkotsu ramens with thick cut slabs of fatty char siu (that I’d have to dial down a tad with nori slices by the dozen). But as I worked my way through, I found several new favorite dishes that have kept me coming back, at minimum, one per week for the last 3 months. Because of this, it’s only right that I dedicate an entire ~~love song~~ post to this ramen joint that should definitely be on your radar.

Florence Trippa: Home of the Best Sandwich You’ve Never Heard of – The Lampredotto

October 14, 2023October 14, 2023Asia, Food, Hong Kong BigBody Leave a Comment

Nestled a stone’s throw away from the iconic Mid-Levels escalators, somewhere between the Caine Road Japan Home Centre and the beginning of Old Bailey Street, you’ll find a salt and pepper-haired, mustachioed Italian man in his early 50s donning an (almost) luminescent white T, wielding a pizza peel with the might of the intrepid Vulcan (Hephaestus for those Hellenists out there), and flashing a warm, radiant smile that will melt your heart like creamy, well-rounded provolone over focaccia. His name is Claudio and his shop is ‘Florence Trippa’.

At first glance, it’s easy to miss. Caught in the throes of banal headache, a hurried crowd of pedestrians, and a winding, imposing line of the Chinese restaurant adjacent, two red Florentine flag insignias sandwich black lettering in a nondescript fashion. “Pizza,” “Pasta,” “Panini, “Trippa.” You shake it out of your head. I mean, there are hundreds of pizza shops in the city. You know good Italian food, right? What’s so special about this new spot? Little did you know, you just made the biggest mistake of your month and you haven’t even throttled your first Joe Bananas’ Jägerbomb at 2 AM on Saturday.

On any given night (except Sundays), you’ll find him bobbing and weaving amongst a profusion of pots and pans in a small kitchen, fielding a barrage of takeaway calls and Deliveroo orders with an unflappable grace, carefully ladling slow-cooked vegetable broth over fluffy, freshly toasted buns and sliding thin crust pizzas out of the oven with the precision of a surgeon – a Florentine, gastronomical surgeon. He offers up earnest anecdotes on longevity, happiness, and health, greeting regulars by name and welcoming newcomers as if they were regulars, putting into digestible prose an answer to a question he’s sure to field at least dozens of times per day (for now), “What the heck is a lampredotto?”

And that’s where our story begins. But first, a little housekeeping.

Pierogies, Rabbit Stew, & Stroganoff at Hong Kong’s First Ukrainian Restaurant

October 5, 2023October 5, 2023Asia, Food, Hong Kong BigBody Leave a Comment

Pushing 23 years in the Hong Kong food and beverage scene, Ivan the Kozak was (and still is) a much-needed answer to an established (and burgeoning at the same time?) food scene that has always oddly lacked Eastern European fare. Serving up Ukrainian classics like potato and mushroom pierogies, borscht (Ukrainian borscht to emphasize – typically made with pork rather than beef), and even veal casseroles, Ivan the Kozak has remained steadfast in providing Ukrainian warmth and comfort in pleated dough form – which unsurprisingly, is why it is one of my favorite restaurants in all of Hong Kong.

Oh, and there’s vodka. Lots and lots of vodka. Tried and tested by yours truly. That always helps. Except for the three bottles of vodka I drank with my best friend, an elderly Ukrainian woman, and a Russian busboy on my 29th birthday in Vienna, which led to me projectile vomiting all over the Hofburg Palace (I’ve mentioned this in other posts on the site).

Does Schnitzel & Schnaps Do Central European-Inspired Fare Justice?

September 25, 2023September 26, 2023Asia, Food, Hong Kong BigBody Leave a Comment

I had low expectations for finding quality schnitzel in Hong Kong after several failed attempts over on Kowloon and was quickly losing hope that I would be able to recreate my most memorable and formative Vienna days in fried, frisbee-sized form. At one point, I even considered putting in an offer for a newborn calf at a farm out in the New Territories, purchasing a small plot of grassland on Robinson Road, and picking up a meat tenderizer from Japan Home Centre.

That was until I spotted the borderline-kitsch, Santa’s village of green and gold decor that one day was erected on the ever-bustling second road built in the colony of Hong Kong – Hollywood Road – where life begins and ends for most Mid-Levels 9-8’ers and self-anointed IFC elites.

Skeptical, I donned my finest lederhosen, perched atop the Conduit escalator delta, and sent out a rallying ~~cry~~ yodel for all to hear, eagerly awaiting my Hong Kong Julie Andrewses and David Hasselhoffs to bound towards me, clogs clip-clopping up the stainless steel steps with the might of one thousand Clydesdales, in a jovial hunger. Rosy-cheeked and out of breath, they would bashfully inquire, “Vat is it, Grandpapa?” “Over the river and through the woods, to Schnitzel & Schnaps we go,” I’d triumphantly proclaim, plucking at my suede leather suspenders while rubbing my belly and patting an adolescent von Trapp on the head.

However, that was just a dream and I instead decided to stop in on a Thursday night, sweaty and wearing my third-finest pair of Adidas athletic shorts, after a long day of merciless lashings by ungrateful, entitled clients. I was thankfully accompanied by one of my top herrs, who is about as German as Häagen-Dazs.

6 Ramen Spots in Central, Hong Kong to Get Your Noodle Fix

August 27, 2023August 28, 2023Asia, Food, Hong Kong BigBody Leave a Comment

I’m not sure I would have ever written this piece if I hadn’t spent the last three months in Osaka, Japan. Ramen became a regular staple in my diet. Over three months in Japan, I ate at approximately 30 ramen restaurants (and countless more noodle shops – e.g. Soba and udon) and wrote a guide on 21 of my favorite ramen spots in Osaka. Even though I’ve lived in Hong Kong for a combined six-plus years, I had never paid much attention to ramen here.

But like a newborn lamb with a fresh set of eyes and palate, I’m here and free of noodle sin, ready to become a Hong Kong ramen martyr so that you can get your fix.

During my three-month stint in Osaka, something clicked genetically and gastronomically, to where I’m now at a point where I need a bowl of ramen at least twice per week. And, in a beleaguered city where some lunch and dinner prices can have you wondering exactly where your money went, ramen is an affordable, convenient, and filling option that should not be slept on.

In no particular order, here are six ramen spots you can’t miss in Central, Hong Kong. All have various branches spread out across Hong Kong but for the manageability of this article, I’ve only provided their Central location addresses.

3:10 to Zuma: The Neverending, Free-Flow Brunch of the Century

January 12, 2023April 2, 2024Asia, Food, Hong Kong BigBody Leave a Comment

If you are looking for the holy grail of all brunches in Hong Kong, look no further than ‘Zuma’s Weekend Brunch’.

This is the brunch mecca to go on pilgrimage to, where you cast the ring into Mount Doom to prevent Sauron from destroying brunches across Middle Earth, your final resting place as you kick up your feet and hum R.E.M.’s ‘It’s the End of the World as We Know It’ while digging into free-flow champagnes and wines, neverending gyoza and sashimi bowls, and other Japanese izakaya-inspired fare.

… “And I feel fine.”

Shugetsu’s Tsukemen: My Number One Meal in All of Hong Kong

January 6, 2023January 12, 2023Asia, Food, Hong Kong BigBody Leave a Comment

Shugetsu’s tsukemen would unquestionably be my last meal on earth if I was ever on death row. This might sound absurd but it isn’t a lie. Shugetu’s tsukemen was (and still is) my number one meal when I was training for a powerlifting competition – unfortunately, I kept eating like I was training for a powerlifting competition once I ended and I developed a crippling tsukemen addiction.

There have been worse things in life.

This Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, a ramen hybrid consisting of a salty broth, 300 grams of al-dente elastic noodles, and fatty pork belly cubes is everything that is right in the world. Pair it with an ice-cold, crisp Suntory Premium draft beer, crunchy fried chicken cartilage “bar snacks”, and half-moon pork-filled gyoza pillows, and your last days won’t be for nothing.